Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Top 10 Movies That Make Prostitution Fun

A Tribute to those movies that honor the oldest profession by showcasing the workers as fun-loving, level headed, party goers who need the cash to pay rent, get a new car, or put themselves through college. The media wants you to believe their sex slaves, stricken with STD's, and are supporting a heroine addiction. Tish, pasha, nonsense. Why would movies lie?

10. Night Shift - meek and mild Henry Winkler is demoted to the night shift at the city morgue. Worse, his partner is a care-free, loud mouthed dreamer played by Michael Keaton. With a controlling fiancee and Mother, his only friend seems to be a neighbor lady who happens to be a hooker, played by Shelly Long. Things spiral out of control to the point where Henry and Michael turn the morgue into an escort service office, and with Henry's business experience, turns quite a profit for both him and Michael, as well as the girls. All the hookers here have a heart of gold, and end up purchasing a fast food restaurant. Neighborhood pimps, however, are not so thrilled.

9. Risky Business - Here, prostitutes aren't just fun, they're profitable. Tom Cruise falls for Rebecca De Mornay who not only educates him in the physical ways of pleasure, but shows him how to make a profit by turning his parents home into a brothel. It's a win-win for everyone, except Rebecca's old pimp, who wants his cut. The world would be such a better place without pimps.

8. The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas - Nothing illustrates the light-hearted side of prostitution like a musical comedy. Here, the local law enforcement is also a long time patron of the house of sin, which is in and of itself a historical site. Suddenly, a preacher arrives in town looking to shut it down, in order to save souls from this den of evil. Party pooper.

7. Milk Money - A bunch of kids decide to pool their money together and hire a hooker to strip for them. They encounter a prostitute named V, a hooker with a heart of gold, who gives them a lift home and decides to live in their tree house. Meanwhile, the father, played by Ed Harris, thinks she's his son's teacher, until her old pimp boyfriend comes looking for her.

6. Trading Places - When millionaire Winthorpe's life is turned upside down, he is taken in by a hooker. Like most prostitutes, she is a level-headed, business savvy woman who saves her money in various investments and savings, looking to retire at a young age. She helps Winthorpe gain revenge on those who took his life from him. Winthorpe, being a refined and cultured individual succeeds and the two of them retire to the tropics together.

5. Pretty Baby - See, Prostitution isn't so bad. It's a wonderful place to work, live, and raise children. Brooke Shields makes her film debut at 12 years old to the tune of full nudity in this film. A period piece set in 1917 New Orleans, this film explores life in a house of ill repute. Brooke Shields' character Violet lives with her mother, Susan Sarandon, also a prostitute. A photographer comes to the house and over time collects a series of photos of various women, and begins a sexual relationship with Violet. She's certainly no stranger to grown men, having her virginity auctioned off earlier.

4. Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo - Prostitutes certainly run into a wide assortment of characters in their profession, and Deuce Bigalow is no exception. Posing as a male gigolo to pay for an expensive aquarium he broke, he has to pleasure a 500lb woman, a woman with narcolepsy, another with torret syndrome, and other oddities. He falls for a one-legged girl who may not understand his situation.

3. Bachelor Party - In the world we live in, having sex with hookers is grounds for divorce, break-ups, or worse. In the Bachelor Party world, it's kind of frowned upon. The boys throw their soon-to-be-doomed pal Rick a bachelor party with wall to wall hookers. The girls are only booked for an hour, but hang around all night as they're more concerned about partying than incurring the wrath of their pimps. As it should be.

2. Pretty Woman - If only all hookers looked as good as Julia Roberts right? Richard Gere plays a wealthy businessman who needs a woman to escort him at various functions. So instead of an escort service, he picks up a random street-walker. She enjoys a Cinderella-like experience as she shops for jewelry and thousands of dollars worth of clothes. She is honest and grateful, and he falls in love with her. A very likely and believable premise.

1. Sin City -  Wow, not only are the hookers of Basin City hot, but their superheroes. They keep the balance by policing their own district. They perform favors for a fee, but for those who get out of line, watch out. They punish crime, except, the crime of prostitution, of course. Things go bad when a corrupt cop is killed inside their turf. 

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